A Pregnancy Book or Ten

I have written about pregnancy books a couple times (here and here too).  Those posts were, of course, written before I was actually pregnant. So, by the time I became pregnant and wanted to get on the knowledge wagon, I forgot the results of all that research.  Easy solution - I went back through my posts.

I had written about serious pregnancy books and "Not So Serious" pregnancy books.  I wanted a serious book.  I knew ZIP about what was in store for me and relying on Jenny McCarthy as my sole provider of information seemed risky (though I've heard that Belly Laughs is a hoot).  I also decided, after reviewing my posts, that I wanted to steer clear of What To Expect When You're Expecting.  While several friends had recommended it as the true bible of pregnancy, others classified it as a fear-inducing encyclopedia.  I wanted to err on the side of a fearless pregnancy.  Lastly, I did a little re-reading of Amazon.com book reviews.  With everything fresh in my mind, I headed to Barnes and Noble to make my big purchase.

I can't tell you what I intended to purchase at Barnes and Noble because I don't remember.  What I do remember is going to the pregnancy section of the store for the first time and (sort of) freaking out.  First, I couldn't find the book I had picked and was too nervous to ask for help.  Maybe I chose the wrong book and the sales clerk was going to judge me..."already a bad mom and the baby isn't even here...tisk tisk."  I quickly gave up my game plan and started randomly looking through the shelves, but there were so many books.  SO MANY BOOKS.  I picked up one and mindlessly flipped through it.  Nope.  I flipped through another.  Nope.  I didn't know why I was rejecting them or what I was looking for.  At some point I decided that I had been there too long, my mission was a bust and I needed to just grab something and leave.  My hands landed on the Mayo Clinic book and I nearly ran to the check out.

GREAT accidental choice on my part.  About half the book is broken up into a month by month discussion of changes to the baby, changes to the mom and specific things that will occur in each month (prenatal tests, etc.).  Monthly breakdowns felt like the perfect amount to consume in a sitting (versus weekly or by trimester).  The other half of the book is dedicated to labor and delivery.  The tone of the book is that perfect mix of straightforward information packaged in some friendly bedside manner.  And, I later learned that my doctor's office carried a copy of the Mayo Clinic book in each examination room.  That says something, right?  Though it also made me a little nervous to imagine a doctor needing it during an examination to answer a couple questions for the patient.

In addition to the Mayo Clinic book, I was also gifted Pregnancy Day by Day.

This is a pretty awesome book.  Each page is a day of pregnancy and each day there is something unique and special to read about.  There are amazing sonogram pictures on each page, so the mom-to-be has a visual of what's happening that day inside her belly.  This was especially nice in the beginning of my pregnancy when my bump hadn't bumped.  Though the cover promotes this book to contain "comprehensive advice", I wouldn't necessarily agree with that characterization.  This is a relatively light read and more about the images and novel tidbits (example - fetal hiccups) than hardcore information.

I was also gifted a bunch of other books: the Dr. Oz book, The Girlfriends Guide, What to Expect (yeah, it found its way to my book shelf), Belly Laughs (still haven't read this one...maybe next time?).  My husband was even gifted a few books including The Caveman's Pregnancy Companion.  Each book contains the same basic information, but differs in the tone (mellow versus alarmist) and the amount of information (a little and a lot).  It ended up being really nice to have a collection because it gave me variety.  Some topics I wanted to know everything about and so I could hit up that chapter in all of the books and learn it from every angle.  Some topics I didn't care as much about, so I could read about it in a less intense book and move on.  

There are a couple morals to this story.  First, you may not want to buy yourself a pregnancy book because it's a staple gift for a first time mom and you're bound to receive a few.  Second, each book provides something different and valuable so there's nothing wrong with having a collection.  Last, at some point I found myself putting the books away and relying solely on my doctor because she knew me, she knew my baby and she knew my pregnancy...unlike the authors of any of the books on my shelf.  More on this last lesson another day.  

What pregnancy books did you use?  How would you rate the books?    

  

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Being Thankful

Today's post is a late tribute to Thanksgiving.  I hope you had a good one.

During pregnancy there are so many rules.  There are prenatal vitamins to take and foods to avoid, ways to sleep and clothes to wear.  The list of to dos is dwarfed only by the list of not allowed to dos.  And on top of all the guidelines dictated by science, there are wives tales that further instruct.  All these rules create so many (too many) opportunity for worry - Am I doing this right?  Did I remember to do that?  Should I do that?  One's mind can really get away from her.  Mine certainly did at times.

When my worries became overwhelming, I coped by being thankful.  It worked...usually.  I tried to forget the lists of dos and don'ts and, instead, make a list of thanks.  Sometimes the list included milestones, like reaching a big ultrasound.  More often the list included just everyday things, silly things.

Some sample list items:

• No one ever told me to lay off desserts.  In fact, my mother encouraged me to eat ice cream...all the calcium.
• I got some cute and comfortable hand-me-down maternity clothes from friends.
• I bonded with other pregnant friends and mom friends in a way that I couldn't before I experienced pregnancy for myself.
• At least once a day, a stranger would congratulate me.
• My hair was shiny and thick from the prenatal vitamins and the hormones.  And my nails were stronger than ever.
• No one ever commented on how big my butt became.
• I got a seat on the subway...most of the time.
• I had a legitimate reason to discuss baby names whenever I wanted.

This list, as cheesy as it was somedays, was a great tool.  Realizing that I was eight months along and no one had even joked that my ass looked as pregnant as my belly was a great distraction from all the do's and don'ts.  Yes, there's a lot to worry about during pregnancy, but there's also a lot to be thankful for.   It's just a matter of finding those small moments of sweetness or comedy.  When you do, it's amazing how easily they can overpower the big moments of worry.  

Were you a worrier during your pregnancy?  Do you think you will be?  How do you/will you cope?

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Rude People and Socks

I've previously written about my astonishment at how rude people can be to pregnant women (read about that here).  By "people" I mean strangers, acquaintances, co-workers, neighbors friends and family alike.  By "rude" I mean everything from critiquing dietary choices to admonishing birthing plans.  It seems that being visibly pregnant gives others a ticket to judge.

But the rudeness doesn't end with the baby's birth.  My formerly pregnant friends are currently new mothers (no shock there).  With this transition, I've quickly learned that the ticket to judge pregnant women becomes a season pass to humiliate and belittle new moms.  It's awful.

My quick letter to all the judging, belittling, humiliators that are so rude to pregnant ladies and new moms:

Dear Everyone, what are you thinking?!!!  As Teresa Guidice and Melissa Gorga say (to at each other) - ZIP IT!

Teresa Guidice versus Melissa Gorga
Who's already excited for Season 4 of RHONJ?!!

And now, a short(ish) narrative of some unsolicited advice from a rude, rude lady.

A young mother is walking down the sidewalk on a warm fall day.  Her 3-month-old son is happily strapped into a baby bjorn, facing his mothers chest.  His chubby little legs are kicking and he's doing that adorable drool/gurgle thing, which is only adorable because he's a baby and not a 40-year-old man.  A woman and her husband approach the new mom and baby.  The couple is visibly older than the new mom, by several decades.  

The older woman says, "I just have to say something..."  

The new mom readies herself for a sweet compliment about her son's perfectly rosy and round cheeks.  "Those socks are much too small on his feet," says the older woman as she shakes her head in scorn.   

Record scratch.

The older woman continues, "They just are.  I had to say something.  Look at the color of that baby's legs!"  

The new mom's eyes dart to her son's legs in a moment of genuine concern.  They appear just as chubby and cream-colored as they were that morning, when he was sockless.  Nothing concerning.  Nothing concerning at all.  The new mom stares at the older woman, desperate to end the awful exchange.  

The older woman turns to the older man and repeats, "I had to say something, just look at those socks." 

The new mom walks away.  Pissed.

Shame on this older woman (also something Melissa Gorga would say). 

Socks and sandals - a true crime. 
(image here)

In case this older woman happens to be an avid reader of Next Stop Baby, let me offer some advice of my own: When you see a mother doing something that you don't agree with, STOP.  Take a moment.  Would you verbalize this same concern if the situation wasn't between a mother and a child?  Would you tell a grown man that he was wearing his socks too tight?  Probably not.  You probably wouldn't have even noticed the grown man's socks in the first place.  You're not the mommy police, so stop sniffing out non-issues and harassing people.

Have you ever witnessed one of these awkward exchanges?  When, if ever, is it okay to say something about someone else's mothering skills?

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A Miracle Baby

The birth of a healthy baby is a miracle.

This is something that one of my most favorite, most adored, most wisest people told me a long time ago.  Yes, I'm well aware that "most wisest" has several grammatical issues, but it doesn't make it an untrue statement.  This absurdly awesome person, in addition to being absurdly awesome, was and is an obstetrician/gynecologist.  He bestowed these great words of wisdom upon me a long while back.  I was a child or maybe a preteen.  Parenthood wasn't a distant thought because it wasn't a thought at all.  Yet, even being light years away from my current baby crazed self, I remember his exact words:

The birth of a healthy baby is a miracle. 

A MIRACLE.

He said it just like that, repeating "a miracle" in a loud, serious voice.  I thought that this was a silly thing to say.  I found the emphasis on "miracle" to be overly dramatic, unrealistic and cliche.  Or, as my youthful mind characterized it - yeah right.  How miraculous could it be?  I saw healthy babies everywhere everyday.  I was a healthy baby only a decade earlier.

For a reason I'll never know the words stayed with me.  Decades later I think of them often.  Nowadays, it seems I think of them almost daily.  Babies are on my brain and the subject of conversation with so many of my friends who are trying to have them or already do.  With each casual chat and heartfelt discussion, these words weave through my thoughts without choice.

Each friend's pregnancy announcement has been a rush of excitement and each chubby cheeked baby face is breathtaking.  The joys of this time in my life, the baby crazed time, have been immense.  They have also been miraculous.  What I didn't know as a young girl, is that it can be difficult to become pregnant, not every baby survives the first trimester much less the entire gestational period, babies that are carried to full term and their mothers alike can suffer medical complications along the way and not every baby is born healthy.  There are an infinite number of obstacles and hurdles when it comes to pregnancy and babies.  I didn't know about these worrisome, painful, devastating realities.

While I'd much rather focus on the chubby cheeks than the possible difficulties, I can now appreciate the true miraculousness of it all.  I have even repeated the phrase on more than one occasion.  You've read it twice just in this post.

Wise people say the most wisest things.

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An Apartment Baby

I live in a small space.  A small New York space (versus a small Canton, Ohio space).  When I someday transition from baby crazy to baby mama I will have to fit my baby into this small space.  I will also have to fit the baby's things into this small space.  Cue the suspenseful music...

 

I couldn't find any suspenseful music, but I did find the original movie trailer for Scream.  

The thought of making room for a crib in my teeny tiny apartment makes my brain hurt.  Square peg.  Round hole.  Impossible.  And, the crib is just one thing.  There are many other things that will need to find homes in my apartment too - bottles, clothes, diapers and some tons of other stuff...I don't know what exactly that other stuff is, but I know there's tons.

The round hole symbolizes my apartment and
the square hole symbolizes the baby stuff.  Deep.
(image here)

So, what does an apartment dweller do when she has a baby?  Where does all the baby stuff go?  WHERE?

Without the pressure of an impending due date, it's a good time to consider this dilemma.  My standard method of problem solving is to separate the things I can control from the things I can't control, then focus on the things I can control.  In this problem, I can't control the size of my apartment.  Unless, of course, I move.  Assuming that's not a feasible option (because it's not), let's continue.  The baby stuff is something I can control both in terms of how much and how big.  Thus, I'm going to focus on the baby stuff.  Step one: complete.

Step two: what is the baby stuff?  I've come full circle in a mere two paragraphs, one of which was only three short questions.  Hmmm.  My method for learning things about pregnancy and childbirth is consulting wikipedia and urbandictionary.com.  Unlike my problem solving method, this method is bad.  It failed just yesterday (read this and then this for the humorous details).

And so, I'm turning to YOU - What are the best baby stuff?  I'm not talking great, I'm talking BEST. What are things that were absolutely essential to the first year of your little one's life?  Give me your Top 5.

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The Big Wand

The things I don't know about pregnancy and childbirth are, again, catching up with me.  I say "again" because it was only a month ago that I had a preeclampsia freak out and decided that my approach to pregnancy know-how had to change.  This morning's post (The Big Reveal) included a fabulous photo of a "sonogram wand".  I had a good time making perverted jokes about its shape.  Within a few hours of the post going live, I received one comment and a couple behind the scenes communications from friends and family: the sonogram wand photo isn't a sonogram wand photo.  I guess my reliance on wikipedia and urbandictionary.com for hard facts is finally catching up with me. 

Turns out that the photo below is an internal sonogram wand.  Not the one that is pressed against a pregnant belly to determine the unborn baby's gender.  OOOPS!  I haven't delved further into this discovery - I don't know when or why this internal sonogram wand is used - though I probably should given that its image is now posted twice on my blog.

An internal sonogram want (aka not what you thought)

This photo shows the sonogram wand that is used to determine the baby's gender.  Slightly less phallic shaped.

The goop has a slight blue tint.  Interesting.
(image here)

Despite my sudden need to know more about pregnancy and childbirth, it's clear that I don't know much...and that there's a lot to know.  Does this mean that I'll break down and purchase a pre-pregnancy educational book!?!  Stay tuned...

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The Big Reveal

Once you make the decision to learn your unborn baby's gender in advance, an immediate countdown to sonogram day begins.  Typically, the big reveal occurs in the doctor's office on the examination table.  The sonogram technician plops some clear goop on your pregnant belly, presses the phallic shaped sonogram wand to your skin, looks at the blurry black and white screen and says, "Do you want to know the gender?"  You've been waiting for this question and you know your answer, "YES!"

A sonogram wand (aka not what you thought).

Learning your baby's gender while wearing a hospital gown is a time honored tradition.  There's something charming about trying to find the penis or acknowledging the lack thereof in the grainy sonogram image.  I have no doubt that sonogram technician's vividly remember the best, worst and most frightening expressions on the faces of the anxious parents-to-be.

For non-traditionalist who want to take the big reveal out of the doctor's office, consider using a note.  Parents can ask the sonogram technician to write down the gender on a piece of paper and seal it in an envelope.  The envelope can be opened later at a chosen destination.  A couple can open it together in the comfort of their home, over some romantic Chinese food take out and a couple glasses of sparkling apple cider.  The envelope can be brought to a big family dinner.  Get some group participation going by asking everyone at the table to first guess the gender.  After the big reveal, the winners can relax while everyone else cleans up.  People love betting.  I'll address baby pools at some point.  I digress...

The note is certainly a less classic and more orchestrated option.  It also drags out that anticipation even further, which can be a pro or a con depending on the person.  On the other hand, it preserves that major moment for just the couple to consider and enjoy.  It's more intimate without the inclusion of a stranger (aka the sonogram technician) and the couple can craft it to their style and personalities.

How did you choose to learn the gender of your baby?  How do you want to find out?  

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Doula Who...la?

The word doula is pretty new to me.  I heard it for the first time several months ago and now it seems to be everywhere.  Doula, doula, doula.  Everywhere.  You can follow doulas on twitter.  There are eharmony-esque websites that connect families to doulas like doulamatch.net and doulas.com.  A recent episode of The Rachel Zoe Project featured Ms. Zoe meeting with a doula to discuss her birth plan, a true sign that doulas are in fashion.  Rodger calls the doula a scam.  Seriously.  Click here to see a clip of the highly awkward meeting.

Rodger Berman (aka Mr. Rachel Zoe). What a goofy picture.  
A bit of trivia: Rodger had the Bieber coif before Bieber.

I'll back up.  What is a doula?  A doula is someone who provides emotional and physical support to a pregnant woman during labor, delivery and sometimes postpartum.  The emotional support is anything from encouraging words to visualization guidance to unity screaming.  Okay, I made that last one up, but you can imagine a doula and a pregnant lady screaming in unison as the pregnant lady pushes.  Ahhhhh!  Ahhhhh!  The physical support is anything from massage to aromatherapy.  A doula also provides educational information.  Postpartum support includes breastfeeding and general newborn assistance.

What is not a doula?  Someone who provides medial support to a pregnant woman.  A doula does not do sonograms or physical examinations.  That clinical stuff is left to the licensed and trained professionals.  Doulas, on the other hand, don't necessarily have any license or training.  Many countries have no regulations or standards for doulas (aka anyone can call herself a doula).  Though, nowadays most doulas are in fact trained.

George Clooney is neither a doctor nor doula.  

Most importantly, why are doulas so hot right now?  From my outsider perspective, I sort of envision doulas to be like pregnancy therapists.  People seek guidance from therapists for all sorts of stressful issues and stressful patches of life.  Pregnancy and childbirth are not just about the clinical stuff.  There is an overwhelming amount of emotional and physical change that has nothing to do with the clinical stuff. That is a doula's wheelhouse.  Doulas empower pregnant women to have a positive and awesome experience by helping with the stressful stuff.  

Have you ever used a doula?  Do you plan to?  Are you a doula and feel like dropping some knowledge?

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Drinking While Trying

Drinking while driving is an undisputed bad idea.  And, it's illegal.  But what about drinking while trying?  Can one maintain normal drinking patterns while trying to conceive a baby? 

Depends who you're asking and what your "normal drinking pattern" is.

If you're asking me (who's NOT a doctor, nor any sort of expert in the matter), I'd say it depends.  It depends on your personality.  It depends on whether you're the type of person who drives with both hands on the wheel at 10 o'clock and 2 o'clock or whether you rest your left arm on the window frame and casually grasp the bottom of the wheel with your right hand.  How much risk are your comfortable with?

Do you use the turn signal or
just GO (after a quick peek)?
image here

Most of us are aware that there is a risk in drinking alcohol while pregnant.  I did some hardcore lowcore internet research on the subject and found conflicting information as to the specific risk.  Some say that any drinking while pregnant is high risk behavior.  In fact, some say that drinking during the few days before getting pregnant is a bad idea.  Others say that drinking while pregnant will probably not put the fetus at risk unless it's excessive and/or constant, although the first trimester is the most sensitive development period and extra precautions should be taken.

With this, here are your drinking while trying options:

1. Clean and Sober:  Lay off the sauce.  It'll be an oh-so-sweet reunion someday, but time apart is healthy for all relationships.
2. Surf the Crimson Wave:  Don't drink alcohol until you're confirmed to be without child.  When you get your period and therefore aren't pregnant, go a few days without sex and have a few days with vodka sodas.
3. Live in Moderation: Regardless of your normal drinking habits, set yourself strict limits that equal less often and less alcohol per sitting.  Then go to Costco and buy yourself a life's supply of pregnancy tests.  The more you test, the more likely you are to know when the switch from trying to being takes place.
4. Drink up!: I'm sure you know someone who drank herself silly at a New Years Eve party while unknowingly pregnant.  If you don't, I do.  And, the baby is just perfect.   

You know you.  You know if you're the type of person who could have a drink and feel comfortable.  And you know if you're going to cry yourself to sleep for the remaining 8.5 months after a half glass of pinot grigio.  Do what's comfortable for you while keeping the health of your unborn baby in mind.  Oh, and your doctor knows a lot more about your unborn baby's health than I do, so start there!

Someone who will never cry about drinking pinot grigio.
image here

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Three Months of Experience

Guest Blogger Alfie Toner is back!  And I'm so grateful that she is.  (Click HERE to read her first guest post)  As a seasoned mother of two, she has lots of parenting experience.  But, what about those first few weeks with her first child?  Even experienced mothers were inexperienced at one time.

Does three months of doing something equal "experienced"?  If you dig a ditch for three months, you can pretty much say you're an experienced ditch digger.  But, how about if you perform surgery or fight crime for three months - would you say you're an experienced surgeon or police officer?  If you play golf for three months are you an experienced golfer?

I recently reminisced with my sister about newborn babies.  Thirty some years ago, her daughter was born three months before my daughter.  I remember watching her with her newborn baby during the last three months of my pregnancy from the vantage point of a childless mom-to-be.  She let me try diapering my niece.  I was completely inept.  It was a disposable diaper, made to the right size and shape with sticky tab closures, but I struggled terribly.  Folding a piece of cloth and opening large safety pins near my helpless, wriggling niece would have been dangerous.  Meanwhile, my sister seemed able to change a diaper blindfolded.  I was in awe of her skill, confidence and ease as a mother.

We remembered nursing our babies together a few months later, when my daughter was a 4-week-old newborn and my niece was a fast growing 4-month-old.  My sister settled herself on a kitchen chair, lowered her top, unsnapped her nursing bra and let the baby lean in to latch.  Within a moment, mother and baby were happily bonding and nursing.  Meanwhile, I set up in a big arm chair and got pillows to prop up my elbows.  I put a cloth diaper in arms reach for clean up and burping, and made sure a clock was in clear view to track the length of time my daughter would spend on each breast.  I prepared a glass of grape juice to replenish my fluids and wondered how I would get to it without spilling if I needed to reach with my left hand.  I thought about the last feeding four hours earlier and remembered that I had started the baby on my left breast, so I should start her on my right breast this time.  I made sure my daughter was swaddled, then propped her up and fidgeted to unbutton my blouse.  A few minutes later, the actual nursing had finally begun.  I kept one eye on the baby and one eye on the clock.

My sister watched me as she sat contentedly bonding with her daughter.  Once I had officially settled, she asked what the heck I was doing?!  I explained that the baby book instructed me to sit in a comfortable place, have everything at hand and allow the baby to feed for a certain number of minutes on each side.  I was watching the clock because I didn't want to miss the moment when I had to switch my daughter to the other side.  My sister smiled and gently mentioned that strict adherence was probably unnecessary.

Laughing at this memory all these years later, I remarked at what a natural mother my sister had been as she comfortably guided me to relax and enjoy the bonding experience.  She told me that it only felt that way because she had a whole three month of nursing experience, she was three months ahead of me in knowing how to care for a baby.  Only three months or, perhaps, a whole three months.  I guess when it comes to some things, three months most definitely qualifies as "experienced".

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Mommy's Favorite is Your Favorite, Or Else

I don't know much about stage moms.  I hear that the show Toddlers & Tiaras would be a good learning tool on this front, but I'm far too scared to watch.  A 3-year-old wearing foundation, blush and false eye lashes is simply not natural.  I'm getting the heebie jeebies just thinking about it.

Eden Wood from Toddlers & Tiaras
Don't look directly into her eyes...

I can, however, understand the desire for your children to like the same things that you like.  For example, I love the beach, just love it.  The ocean, the sand, the unobstructed sunshine - it's all perfect.  If I someday have a child who despises the feel of sand between her toes, I would probably be devastated.  I would be heartbroken if my 4-year-old son told me that An American Tale was a stupid movie.  Or, what if I have a daughter who hates shoes?!  GASP.

Of course there's no point worrying about it, mostly because I don't have kids and less so because it would be out of my control even if I did.  That's what I thought until I recently listened to a news story on NPR.org entitled Baby's Palate and Food Memories Shaped Before Birth.  This article doesn't explain how to force your child to love An American Tale, but it does have some advice on how to guide your baby's food preferences.  Here's a quick summary: Everything that a pregnant woman eats affects the smell and flavor of the amniotic fluid only a couple hours after consumption.  The more often a pregnant woman eats certain foods the more exposed the unborn baby is to such foods.  When a baby begins to eat food (other than breast milk or formula), he or she is more likely to enjoy foods that are familiar based on experiences in the womb.  If mom eats broccoli every day twice a day during pregnancy, baby is more likely to enjoy eating broccoli when it comes time for solid foods.

I will be eating a ton of drunken noodle and ice cream during pregnancy.  I could probably forgive my child's rejection of The Cutting Edge (an amazing work of cinematic genius), but I don't think I could survive without sharing family meals of Thai food and ice cream sundaes. 

"Toe Pick!"

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Bonkers for Baby Bonkies

Have I finally taken my need to alliterate post titles too far?

Let's talk (aka: I'll write, you read and comment) about the phenomenon of swaddling.  I probably use the word phenomenon too often, but in this case it happens to be accurate.  Swaddling is the act of binding a baby's arms firmly against his/her little body with a blanket or, as I'm about to show you, a Baby Bonkie.

Why is swaddling a phenomenal method of parenting?  When the baby is in utero he or she is packed like a pickle.  The outside world is a sudden mess of overwhelming stimuli.  Swaddling mimics that pickle jar condition and eases the transition.  Infants have strong startle reflexes that can trigger a flailing limb into an unsuspecting eyeball.  Eye poking injuries are made impossible when those arms are locked down in a mini straight jacket.  Swaddling also keeps the baby warm, which is especially important for newborns whose body temperatures take a bit to regulate.

Back to the Baby Bonkie (more alliteration...awesome).  The Baby Bonkie is like a How To Swaddle for Dummies tool and made me look like a swaddling pro without a stitch of practice.

EXHIBIT A - The step by step process of me swaddling a DIY Home Improvement book...remember, I don't have a baby.

Step 1 - Slip the book in the Bonkie

Step 2 - Pull up the bottom flap

Step 3 - Pull over the left flap and secure the velcro

Step 4 - Pull over the right flap and secure the velcro

Step 5 - That book looks snug as a bug in a Baby Bonkie

It was so fun and easy that I then swaddled a bag of rolls.  
Those brioches look colic-free to me.

Other than being user-friendly (even for my babyless self), here are other things I love about the Baby Bonkie:

• Well made
• Eco-friendly options
• Velcro fastens instead of zipper (accidentally zipping some soft baby skin would be a nightmare)
• The fabrics options are beautiful - the designs are fun and colorful without being hokey.  Some designs come in a cotton exterior and minkee lining and others come in a minkee exterior and minkee lining.   

Now, it's only fair that I show you an actual baby in a Baby Bonkie (in case the book and bag of brioches didn't give you an accurate idea). 

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Name Poaching - It's a Jungle Out There

Maybe you've thought about baby names your entire life or maybe it took actually being pregnant to consider the options.  In either case, it's a big deal when you finally settle on THE name.  It also immediately instigates a new decision - to tell or not to tell.  Should you reveal the name or keep it under lock and key?


Reasons to TELL

• It's way too hard a secret to keep and you'll make yourself miserable trying
• You want/need to start monogramming and personalizing adorable baby products
• Feedback on nicknames, pronunciation and random name-related complications are never a bad thing.  And if you do discover some sort of unanticipated angle (i.e. People could call him Chuck instead of Charlie), you have plenty of time to develop a game plan
  

Reasons to NOT Tell

• Surprises make good things better, and surprising... 
• Avoid awkward reactions from people who don't like the choice and do a bad job of faking it
• Avoid rude reactions from people who don't like the choice and don't care to fake it

Now that I've given you some food for thought, I want you to put said food aside and snack later.  Let's talk name poaching.  I left this major issue off both lists because I think it should be a separate consideration.  When you finally settle on your name of choice, whether it's decades in the making or a fabulous find from a baby name book that you bought an hour ago, the threat of someone stealing it becomes real, and real scary.

Revealing the chosen name could be a useful tool for staking your claim - it takes a mean biatch to snatch a baby name, especially from an expecting mother.  On the other hand, maybe your friends and family members are a bunch of mean biatches, so by revealing the name you're effectively waving the carrot.  And let's not forget about co-workers and acquaintances who could steal the name without falling into the brazen-jackhole category because they don't know you all that well. 

I think we all remember George Costanza's perfect baby name - Seven.  And I think we all remember when that name was stolen from him.  Makes you wonder whether he should have kept it under wraps until baby Costanza existed. 

It would suck if a good friend or favorite cousin stole your name, but I think the likelihood of that happening is about .04% (read: totally and completely unlikely).  Everyone else wants their baby name to be just as one-of-a-kind (within their circle) as you do - there's a mutual desire to avoid duplication.  And, more importantly, you don't keep mean biatches in your circle.  So, it's a wash.  You can keep it a secret and risk the rarest of chances that someone will randomly choose the name OR you can tell everyone and risk the rarest of chances that a meanie will poach the name.

Go back to that food (read: the original two lists) and make your decision based on those factors, because poaching is a unpredictable, rarity that cannot be accounted for.

Victoria Beckham 9+ months pregnant with
Harper SEVEN Beckham
(image HERE)

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One Vodka Soda Please, Hold the Vodka

A woman should announce her pregnancy when and where and to whom she chooses.  It's a major moment and choreography is allowed.  But it doesn't always go as planned.  Despite wanting to control the big reveal, there are obvious signs that point the outside world straight to PREGGERS before the official word is announced.  Alcohol, or the avoidance thereof, is one of these signs.

After some group brainstorming (read: asking my husband during a long car ride when he had no option but to answer me...his attempt to fake sleep didn't work) and a few glasses of wine (in my living room when I was done driving), here are some ideas:

"I'm on antibiotics" - Fake an antibiotic prescribed illness.  Everyone knows you can't drink alcohol while taking antibiotics because it nullifies the curative effects.  Do adequate prep if you're dealing with especially nosy friends - what is the sickness and what are the meds.  A two month prescription of twice daily vicodin for pink eye will probably get you caught.  Don't give details unless asked, the less elaborate the more believable. 

These are NOT antibiotics.
But they are gummy and delicious and
perhaps a good substitute for prenatal vitamins

"I'm not feeling well" - Telling everyone that you're not drinking because you don't feel well is certainly closer to the truth (if you're not into the whole lying thing), but less likely to work.  It's hard to fake illness in a credible way and anyone already suspecting that you're pregnant will think your sickness is morning sickness.  Plus, there's always that one friend who''ll say, "you can still drink, just one."  If you go for it, don't be flamboyant - fake coughing won't fool anyone - and head home early.

A sick puppy?  I don't buy it for a second.

Enlist the Waiter - This is ballsy and only recommended for usage with the right waiter.  After everyone orders, excuse yourself to the bathroom and track down the waiter.  Then, confess your situation, ask him/her to bring you a non-alcoholic version of whatever you ordered and beg that the secret stays that way.  If you think your friends are the type to review the bill in minute detail before paying, tell the waiter to charge you for the alcoholic version anyway or that you'll pay for your virgin beverages on the side.

Don't enlist a waiter that looks like this guy

Order a Drink-look-a-like - Order your own drink outside the presence of all friends/family.  Go to the bathroom and grab a drink on your way back or have a co-conspirator order.  A soda water with a splash of cranberry juice and a lime looks like an alcoholic drink.  No one will ask.  If anyone does, it's a vodka soda with a splash of cran.  And if anyone has the balls to ask for a sip, then first call him/her out for being a weirdo (everyone knows what a vodka soda tastes like) and casually allow it.  If they comment that it tastes weak, DENY DENY DENY.  You didn't notice.

Soda water with a splash of cran...fooled you, right?
Garnish is key, go for the lime, lemon, cherry, whatever.

Fake Drink - You could always pretend to drink but not actually drink, although it's tricky and annoying.  Even your most clueless friend will put two and two together if you try this at an intimate dinner party because despite all your sipping the beverage level will remain at freshly poured.  At a crowded bar or party, just dump out part of your drink in the bathroom.  If anyone asks, you're on your 2nd or your 3rd.  I recommend practicing before the big show to avoid dribbling.

Fake drinking gone wrong

(ps - images found here, here, here, here and here)

I would LOVE to hear stories of people carrying out any of the above. 

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You're the Proud Parent of a Beautiful Baby...

Is it a girl or boy?

At the midway ultra sound (which isn't actually midway through the pregnancy because it typically occurs between 18 and 20 weeks) the doctor (or more likely the ultrasound technician) can determine the baby's gender.  Until then, it's a fun guessing game.  And for those who choose to forgo the psychic powers of technology, it's a mystery until the doctor hands over the screaming, slime covered, naked little bundle in the hospital.

Despite my impossibly curious nature, I always imagined being surprised.  But lately, that vision has deflated.  Keeping it a mystery seems to invite guesswork by everyone and anyone.  Strangers especially.  Some of the folklore used to generate these "educated" opinions is pretty cruel.  The primary culprit is the "pregnancy glow" theory.  Apparently a woman carrying baby boy is noticeably gorgeous and glowing and the opposite is true of a woman carrying a baby girl.  I've actually heard someone say that a baby girl "sucks the beauty" out of the mom-to-be.  Huh!?  How awful.  When someone says, "you definitely look like you're having a girl" does that translate to "you're looking like a hot, fat mess"?

NO.  No it does not.  

I'm here to tell you that the baby girl = ugly indicator is a myth.  A mean myth.  I have many a friend who had a beautiful looking pregnancy that resulted in a beautiful baby girl.  

For those, like me, who hope to keep it a surprise without developing a complex, here are some sweet, funny, non-scientific (read: not sound at all) predictors of the baby's gender.

Signs that you are carrying a GIRL:

• You're carrying high
• Your pee is dull yellow
• Bad morning sickness
• Sweet food cravings
• Baby's heart rate averages more than 140 bpm (beats per minute)
• Your left breast becomes noticeably larger than your right breast (!?)
• When you hang a ring (wedding band or otherwise) over your belly it swings from side to side
• Your hair develops red highlights
• The sum of your age at the time you conceived and the month in which you conceived is an odd number
• You are plagued by bad acne

Signs that you are carrying a BOY:

• You're carrying low
• Your pee is bright yellow
• Baby is kicking a lot
• Salty food cravings
• The hair on your legs is growing like crazy
• Baby's heart rate averages less than 140 bpm
• When you hang your ring (wedding band or otherwise) over your belly it swings in a circle
• Your feet are always cold
• The sum of your age at the time you conceived and the month in which you conceived is an even number

Here are a few links to gender predictor quizzes

Ancient Chinese Birth Chart (via parents.com)

Gender Prediction Quiz (via parents.com)

Old Wives Tale Quiz (via babygenderprediction.com)

Old Wives Tale Quiz (via babyzone.com)

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Nine Month Abs

After a long hiatus, guest blogging is back today - with a BANG.  And an ouch two days later, from soreness.  W. Wilson has a degree in fitness and nutrition, owns and teaches at a gym and boasts a serious six pack.  She's also one of the funniest people I know.  In the world.  I'm so grateful for her contribution to Next Stop - Baby.

As a trainer, it is important for me to know the goals and limitations of my clients.  So when Brook, a 32-year-old recently married client of mine, confided in me that she was pregnant, I knew we had to make some changes to her exercise routine.  Her pre-knocked-up workouts were intense for anyone NOT smuggling a watermelon, let alone full blown prego.  However, against her doctor's orders (who said not to lift anything heavier than 5 lbs), I wasn't completely ready to trade in tire flipping and sledge hammer swinging for Zumba hip circles quite yet.

I did a quick search on www.mayoclinic.com (which has made me a complete hypochondriac by turning every symptom I have ever had into cancer) and found that they recommend 30 minutes of light exercise each day such as walking, biking, swimming, or rowing.  Unconvinced, I continued to www.webmd.com, my usual second opinion.  They believe that as long as you were active before pregnancy, there is no reason you cannot continue with your normal routine within reason.  In fact, they even said exercise could decrease backaches associated with pregnancy and build stamina needed for delivery.  Score!

Keep in mind: one should not let her heart rate go over 140 beats per minute.  The fetal heart rate is tied to your own.  If your heart is racing, so is your little one's.

One should also avoid exercises that my create impact, such as kettlebell swings, and exercises causing instability and risk for falling like gymnastics, skiing and horseback riding.  Of course, like every exercise program, you should consult your doctor before beginning.  Preferably one that does not look like this:

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via http://www.bodyshapeshiftersonline.com

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I went with Brook to the local Walmart to purchase a heart rate monitor and advised her to visit www.crossfitmom.com where she could find great modifications for exercises done pre-pregnancy.

via Cross Fit Mom
Using a box or a step for pushups leaves plenty of room for your growing belly

via Cross Fit Mom
Ring rows are a great substitute for pullups

Many times the movement does not have to change, just the intensity.  The trainer from www.crossfitmom.com (Andrea) also provides dos and don'ts categorized by trimester.

via Cross Fit Mom
This mom-to-be chooses a lighter weight instead of 9 months on the couch

Brook is nearly 5 months into her pregnancy now and continues to monitor her heart rate, taking breaks in her workout as necessary.  She finds that staying with her exercise program gives her more energy and makes her feel less bloated and "fat."  I would say it is working.

via Cross Fit Carolina Beach

via Cross Fit Carolina Beach

by W.Wilson

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Pre-Pregnancy Education

I've never been pregnant and I'm not interested in learning about the gooey details until that day comes.  My decided method is to cross that bridge when I come to it - remember my post, The Things I Don't (Want to) Know?  However, this plan is challenged on a daily basis because I'm constantly researching and discussing pregnancy issues for my posts and, consequently, learning about pregnancy.  Gooey details included.

Even though I often find myself wanting to run away (far away) from a pregnancy conversation that gets too biological, I understand that other people want information.  Some women (and their partners) want to bone up (huh) on the pregnancy process before it's actually happening.  Though I don't fall into the category, I completely appreciate those who do.  Understanding the process before it happens is responsible, proactive and smart preparation.  Maybe I should reconsider...

I have pulled together the following list of books, which are specifically intended for pre-pregnant, knowledge thirsty individuals:

• What To Expect Before Your Expecting by Heidi Murkoff - Unlike the more well known What To Expect When You're Expecting, this book has a comical tone that sometimes reads like a fashion magazine rather than an information resource.  On the other hand, if you're in the mood for a great conversation starter that lightly brings you into the pregnant frame of mind, this might be the perfect choice.
• Before You Conceive: The Complete Pregnancy Guide by John R. Sussman and B. Blake Levitt - This book is thorough and covers a range of issues that may affect the baby during the pregnancy.  Just know that it's an older book and has some older (read: outdated) information.
• The Pre-Pregnancy Planner by Josleen Wilson - This book dives into the way a baby will change one's life in terms of time management, career, finances, social life and everything in between.  The content is geared to assist in the preliminary decision of whether (or not) to have a child.
• Get Ready to Get Pregnant by Michael C. Lu - Your opinion of this book will depend on how much you already know about pregnancy, meaning it could be redundant and obvious or exhaustive and alarmist.  Overall, there is a big focus on diet, exercise and fitness.
• Before Your Pregnancy: A 90 Day Guide for Couples on How to Prepare for a Healthy Conception by Amy Ogle and Lisa Mazzulo - This book received the most consistent positive reviews from online reviewers.  The writing style is a little dry, yet through the somewhat clinical perspective it manages to be informative without inducing fear.

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A Delicious Remedy

Queasiness, nausea and general stomach sickness are an unfortunate symptom of pregnancy.  And even if you're not actually puking on the regular, it's no fun to be perpetually nauseous.  In comes GINGER!  Ginger is a natural cure for nausea.  I'm sure you spent a few childhood days home from school sipping flat ginger ale and snacking on saltines at the direction of your mother.  There was some scientific reasoning behind her advice.

Three ways ginger settles your stomach and reduces nausea:

1. Dilates your blood vessels.  This makes you feel warm, reduces inflammation (it can be used as an anti-inflammatory) and alleviates headaches.
2. It increases the production of saliva and digestion enzymes, which helps remove irritants from entire digestive tract (stomach through bowels), speeds up the digestive process and eases nausea.
3. It is a serotonin blocker, which also reduces nausea. 

This is what ginger looks like.  It's a root.  And it's a little fugly.

via Great Way Weekly

Here are a few delicious foods and drinks to give you a quick dose of ginger:

• Ginger ale or ginger beer - make sure the ingredients actually include ginger and not just artificial flavoring.  If you've never heard of ginger beer it's a more potent flavored soda with a more potent kick of ginger, it also tends to be sweeter.
• Ginger tea - Make your favorite tea and let a few slices of raw ginger steep in the water while it cools enough to drink.  Or, make some ginger tea from scratch: 5 slices of raw ginger, boiling water, splash of lime juice, squeeze of honey.
• Candied ginger (aka crystallized ginger) - Most grocery stores carry this (see below for an Etsy vendor that does!), probably near the dried fruit.  It's just what it sounds like: ginger and sugar in tiny chewable pieces.  The consistency reminds me of dried pineapple and taste is sweet and spicy.
• Ginger snaps - Cookies!  Buy them or make them, just remember to look on the package if you're buying because not all ginger cookies are actually made from ginger.  Shameful.  I found a recipe on Epicurious.com for Double Ginger cookies, which are made with both ground ginger and crystallized ginger.

Etsy vendor Harmless Color makes crystallized ginger (below).  These delicious morsels can be eaten as is or added to muffins or scones for a tangy (nausea reducing) kick.  Sarah, the incredibly cool woman behind Harmless Color, donates a portion of all of her sales to NGO Living Water International.

by Harmless Color

by Harmless Color


Above - 2 ounces of
crystallized ginger

Left - 4 oz. package of
crystallized ginger

This 100% natural ginger lollipop is made by Sweet Lollipop Shop and comes in packs of eight.  The photo alone has me craving a lollipop.

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