A Real Conversation

And now, I interrupt my previously scheduled post about more things I did when I was pregnant to bring you a real conversation...that happened yesterday.

First, I'll set the stage: I am sitting in a cafe with my bundle of joy, who is sleeping in the stroller and looking quite angelic.  I've just sat down with a hot bowl of soup (it's cold in NY these days) and I'm about to take my first warm spoonfuls.  Enter woman with a coffee and cookie who takes a seat at the table next to mine.

Woman - Your baby is adorable, so tiny.  How old? 

Me - Thanks!  Around 3 months. 

Woman - I've seen so many tiny babies lately.  I saw a really small baby in the diner the other day, even smaller than yours.  You baby is big for 3 months, right? 

Me - Actually, yes.   

Woman - I have to make a call to my husband. 

Me - Okay.  (I smile and assume that the conversation is going to end here) 

Woman - I have to call my husband about my son.  I got called into his school yesterday and they told me that he has (she starts poking around her scalp)...LICE. 

Me - I'm sorry. 

Woman - I was picking through his head last night and he asked what I was doing and I didn't want to tell him, so I said nothing.  I have to call my husband and tell him that I got the special shampoo.  I'll have to pick through his head again tonight.

Me - Oh. 

Woman - It's so gross. 

Me - Yeah.

Finally, the woman reaches her husband on the phone and proceeds to discuss the gross lice situation, including the special shampoo.  I am left staring at my soup and unsure whether my appetite is fully gone or just partially.

While I was pregnant I found myself the victim of similar type conversations where a stranger divulged very random and often very awkward information to me.  Yesterday's conversation reminded me of those pregnancy days.  Somehow they already feel a light year away.  Time flies once the baby arrives.

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Stuff People Google 66

At first, I wast a huge fan of today's edition of Stuff People Google.

pregnant women are rude

In my experience, people are rude to pregnant women and not the other way around.  People are especially rude to pregnant women on the subway (more on that here).  But, there are two sides to every story, yes?  So, I racked my brain for an example of a particularly rude pregnant woman.  BAM - Gisele Bundchen.  If my memory serves me, Mrs. Tom Brady was full of misguided quotes during her first pregnancy, which included an assertion that it should be illegal not to breastfeed.

How else are pregnant women rude?  Do they swing their bellies around like weapons?  Steal snacks in the office place?  Cut ahead in long lines?  I thought line cutting was primarily occupied by a sector the senior population...yes, I've gone ahead and said something colorful about the senior population once again.  I wonder if there will be a backlash like last time.  For those who don't remember the last time I said something remotely unkind about the senior population (here), I suffered the wrath of one very angry commenter.

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Pregnant Ladies on the Train

Let's start today's afternoon post with a brief discussion on the many words that are substituted for "subway" depending on where you are in North America:

New York - Train

Chicago - L

Boston - T

San Fransisco - Bart

Atlanta - Marta

Montreal - Metro

That wasn't so much a discussion, as a list.  Moving on.  This morning on the train (reference list above), I couldn't help but notice an adorably dressed pregnant woman.  I loved everything she was wearing from her heeled suede booties to her beaded hoop earrings.  I came close to asking her where she got her striped cotton shirt (because I wanted it) until I realized that it was definitely maternity gear - she was that pregnant.

As I suppressed my need to ask about each item of her clothing, I realized that my fellow train riders were doing the opposite.  Well, not the exact opposite, which would be not suppressing their need to ask about each item of her clothing.  But, where as I was sort of stalking the hot mama-to-be, everyone else was completely avoiding her.  All eyes turned intentionally away.  Why?  Because no one wanted to give up their seat for her.  They seemed to be following the old Manhattan proverb: if you don't make eye contact, it never happened.  If they could pretend that she wasn't there, then they could pretend that they weren't assholes by making her stand while they sat.

I was standing, so I had no seat to give.  Meanwhile, many seemingly able bodied New Yorkers cozied up in their plastic chairs.  None were interested in standing, not even for a very hip and very pregnant lady.  Not one.  Ms. Preggers seemed to be following a different old proverb: if you stare at something long enough, it will eventually look back.  She glared up and down the row of commuters.  No one looked back.  Realizing that her tactic was failing, she upped the ante to belly rubbing.  She pushed aside her wool trapeze coat and started rubbing that big belly.  She was rubbing and staring and rubbing and staring.  At last, the deadly combo got some middle aged guy to stand and wave her over.  She gave a fake smile (he deserved it) and sat.  I sighed with relief and returned to considering her outfit.

Moral of the Story - If you're a pregnant woman on the subway/train/L/T/Bart/Marta/metro, don't mess around with subtle gestures.  Cut right to the belly rub and make those non-pregnant train riders feel like the assholes lazy people that they are.

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Look, DON'T Touch

Today's post was inspired by a good friend's awkward encounter with a rude person.  This good friend, also a good mom, read last week's post (Rude People and Socks) and immediately emailed me the following story:

My friend (Mom) is in the grocery store with her tiny, beautiful, perfect baby girl.  Baby Girl is happily hanging out in a baby carrier, checking out the tomatoes along with mom.  A woman unknown to Mom and Baby Girl approaches them in a tizzy.  Mom assumes she's overtaken by Baby Girl's adorableness (you would be, I swear she's just the cutest baby ever) and must comment.  Not so.  Woman proceeds to berate Mom for letting Baby Girl be in the grocery store without warmer clothing.  Mom isn't too ruffled, she's become familiar with aggressive advice from strangers, but it's still pretty annoying.  Then Woman grabs Baby Girl's shirt sleeves and tugs them down and around Baby Girl's fingers.  Strange, rude Woman is apparently trying to shield Baby Girl's hands from the brutal cold of the produce section.  

This may be two too many stories about rude people in the last couple weeks, but I had to share because there is a bigger story here.  Rude people will be rude people.  This is true no matter how much I complain about it (here, here and here).  New and old moms alike can learn to deal with nosy questions and inappropriate comments.  Everyone can (and must) learn to deal with social ineptness in general, because it's inescapable.  But, touching a baby without permission or touching someone else without permission (i.e. a pregnant belly) is unacceptable.

If some stranger put her paws on my non-pregnant belly I'd call her an asshole and judo chop her jugular.  I shouldn't have to explain this point, but I will: people are entitled to privacy of their person.  This is a social rule and I'm pretty sure a legal one too.  Meaning, touching a stranger's baby bump without permission is wicked rude and illegal (or should be).  The same goes for touching a baby without permission.  Just because babies are non-verbal and therefore unable to enforce their own privacy rights, doesn't mean you may take their silence as a "Sure, make my sleeves into makeshift mittens."  Unless you ask and mom gives you the green light, keep your mittens to yourself.  Period.

Speaking of mittens - I love these (by Birda, $38)

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