BABY GIRLS: Shallow Thoughts

Wys tans plasings met die etiket Shallow Thoughts. Wys alle plasings

The Lisping (Mrs.) Pope is Back

Who's been watching the 2nd season of Pregnant in Heels? A lot of you. I know this because every Tuesday the traffic on Next Stop Baby skyrockets between the hours of 10 and 11 p.m. as people across America find the need to google the phrase "Rosie Pope speech impediment" (it's still the reigning Stuff People Google champ). For those who don't know, Next Stop Baby is in the top 3 results on Google if you search this phrase and a lot of people search this phrase, especially when Pregnant in Heels is airing.

Rosie Pope - pregnant again, lisping as always

I myself am guilty of not really watching this season. I made it through most of last season because I thought it was important to the blog, being baby related and pop culture relevant. This season I haven't managed a single episode. I've barely been able to handle a couple minutes here and there. It's official, I don't like Pregnant in Heels. And it's not Rosie's speech impediment (or lisp or accent or whatever) that bothers me. I'm just not into the show.

This past Tuesday was one of the few times I've tuned in for a couple minutes. I was specifically motivated to check out the episode because I know someone who knows someone who used to date one of the husbands that was featured. Yes, I'm four degrees from Rosie Pope. Anyway, I watched for about three minutes. The first 5 seconds were spent identifying the guy, the next 2 minutes and 55 seconds were spent thinking, "meh". There were two couples. The husband in one couple was experiencing pregnancy-like symptoms. The woman in the other couple was pregnant but hated maternity clothes. Rosie to the rescue. I didn't see whether she fulfilled her two very complicated missions of relieving the non-pregnant man's morning sickness and finding maternity clothes that satisfied the fashion sensitive mama-to-be, but I assume that's exactly what happened.

For an admittedly baby crazy individual, it would seem that Pregnant in Heels would be right in my wheelhouse. But, again, it's not. It's just not. Maybe it's too formulaic for me? Can't be. The Cutting Edge is one of my top favorite movies of all time and arguably the most formulaic movie of all time. Maybe it really is Rosie's lisp? No. I just don't find it that bothersome. It's more comical than anything and slightly endearing. Plus, I'm obsessed with the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Ever heard Teresa Giudice pronounce cumin?

I hear Teresa Giudice (above) uses a lot of "ingredientses" in her cookbook

I think it's the lack of drama. Teresa Guidice flipping a table, that's drama. A husband ~~faking~~ having pregnancy symptoms, that's annoying and kind of boring. A woman who doesn't like maternity clothes - who cares? I mean...snooze fest, right? I say right. But, clearly you say WRONG because you're all watching, ever Tuesday on Bravo.

So, please, tell me - WHY do you love Pregnant in Heels? Why?!

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Meathole of the Week: Amber Portwood

Who remembers the movie Ernest Goes to Jail? I do. Sort of. I don't remember the plot or really anything about the movie other than the title and the lead actor. For those who need a refresher, it came out in 1990 and was a sequel of sorts to Ernest Goes to Camp. Jim Varney played Ernest in both.

What's the segway? Well, much like Ernest went to Jail in 1990, Teen Mom's Amber Portwood is heading to jail in 2012. She will be the little darling of the Indiana Department of Corrections for the next five years. And, as the title of this posts suggests, she will also be the Meathole of the Week on Next Stop Baby. That's right, I'm bring back the Meathole of the Week because the original post (here) was so darn popular. Speaking of, I almost made Ms. Hilary Duff a two time Meathole winner thanks to more annoying comments she recently made about how she's a genius at changing diapers and her son's a genius for rolling over. Irkity Irk.

Back to Amber. Whatever we think about shows like Jersey Shore and Teen Mom, we can begrudgingly concede that the cast members make bank. Yes they earn that money by acting like the lowest common denominator, but I think it's safe to say that a portion of that grotesque behavior is choreographed (intentionally or subconsciously) for the cameras. Crazy sells. So, I don't fault Amber for viciously arguing with her child's father on camera or generally making us gasp at her lack of parenting skills. She's paid to do that, sort of. And Mama Amber's not bringing home the bacon in any other discernible way.

Where the problem lies is in her need to repeatedly break the law. Amber is to Teen Mom what Angelina is was to Jersey Shore. Angelina couldn't suck up the fact that she hated all the other guido punks for just a few weeks out of the year to set herself up financially for life (or at least a couple decades). Amber couldn't subdue her desire to abuse drugs and physically assault people for the sake of her daughter, much less for the sake of a pay check.

Weird

In second thought, maybe Angelina is the true Meathole because she's just a loud mouthed pain in the ass, where as Amber has a clinical drug addiction. Either way, both girls have successfully dumped their cash cows in the garbage. And, in Amber's case, she dumped her daughter in the hands whoever is legally able to care for her while she spends half a decade sporting an orange jumper and trying not to drop the soap.

But wait, some of you are thinking - forget Angelina, those soulless producers over at MTV are the true Meatholes. On some level the old, wise adults at MTV knew exactly the type of teenage time bomb they cast as a Teen Mom. You're thinking that the MTV staff has taken their formulaic television programming to a disgusting new level by supplying underage, drug addicted, anger unmanaged mothers with more than enough dough to feed all of their gnarly habits (and not their kids). I hear ya, but I won't subscribe to this perspective until I'm given convincing evidence that, on top of all that cold hard cash, MTV also provides free access to drugs and weapons for all its teen mothers. I don't think MTV can be blamed when there are plenty of young ladies on Teen Mom that did the opposite of Amber and got their shit together (relatively speaking).

Nothing like a good Meathole discussion to kick off your Tuesday. What's your take?

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What Not To Expect

Who's going to see What To Expect When You're Expecting? I'm tapping out. Not interested. First, I'm not a huge fan of the book. Granted, I've never read the book, but friend reviews suggest that it's encyclopedia-like and fear-inducing. I'm not into encyclopedias nor fear. Second, those ensemble cast movies don't do it for me. Valentine's Day was horrific. Even Bradley Cooper couldn't save it. I didn't bother to see New Year's Eve for the same reason I'm boycotting What to Expect, but I heard it was equally terrible. There is one exception to this rule and that's Love Actually, my favorite movie of all time (that and The Cutting Edge and Clue: The Movie make up my top 3).

Bottom line, it's not my cup of tea. But, by all means, check it out and let me know how it goes. I imagine that it will do quite well in the theaters and satisfy many movie goers. Plus, I've been wrong about a movie once or twice (you've probably already questioned my cinematic taste after learning my top 3 list).

The reason I mention What to Expect is not merely to bash pregnancy education and big budget film. I bring it up because I was highly disturbed by a billboard that I saw for it over the weekend. I was taking the subway (of course). As I exited the train car, I was confronted by a huge, life-sized image of a pregnant Cameron Diaz glowing from across the subway platform. It wasn't actually glowing, but those damn subway billboard are so big and shiny that it might as well have been. It was Hollywood perfection with a slight exception, someone had scrawled the following across Cameron's perfectly taut, round belly:

Die Breeder Scum

Woah, right? I so wish I had taken a photograph to share. I'm used to a scribbled mustache or a classic profanity, but this was a whole different form of graffiti. It was hysterical. Highly disturbing and hysterical.

Turns out there's someone else out there who will also be boycotting What to Expect, just for very different reason.

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The Hardest Sacrifice

What's the hardest sacrifice that a woman has to make when she gets pregnant? Don't think too deeply on this one. I'm not talking about life-altering, emotional sacrifices like choosing the needs of one's unborn baby over oneself. I'm talking about the opposite - shallow, temporary sacrifices. Today I'm polling this question for no other reason than satisfying my curiosity.

Which of the following would be, is or was the hardest thing to sacrifice during pregnancy. If I don't list your vice below, please feel free to spell out whatever else it is that you will miss/are missing/have missed for 40 weeks. Kindly leave your choice in a comment.

ALCOHOL - This has to be top on the sacrifice list for most, or am I just a wino?

image here

LARGE AMOUNTS OF CAFFEINE - You are correct if you believe that small amounts of caffeine on a daily basis are no big deal (at least this is what I read after a stitch of research). But, if you're a pot of coffee a day type lady, there will be necessary cut backs. A cup of Joe a morning is fine, a half dozen espressos is probably not.

image here

SUSHI - I've recently heard that as long as you're eating reliable sushi, you're allowed to keep the soy sauce flowing. Reliable sushi being sushi from a restaurant/vendor that you know and trust to be 100% bacteria/parasite free. But, it's very hard to know when you're eating reliable sushi, so for most this will be a sacrifice.

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RECREATIONAL DRUGS - I just put it on the list to see if anyone was interested in admitting their habits in the publicly accessible yet judgment free forum provided on NSB.

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CONTACT SPORTS AND EXTREME SPORTS - I'm not an ob/gyn as you may have known or guessed. But, from what I have learned through the journey of blogging on NSB, activities like horseback riding, bungee jumping and lacrosse become less easy to do when you're pregnant. And, there are some studies showing that they present a risk to the little one.

image here

Now go ahead and comment with your vote. I'll vote too.

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Reality Stars Do Pregnancy

Has anyone else noticed that reality TV stars are getting knocked up left and right? Why? I have two theories. My first theory is that the pregnancy-is-so-hot-right-now trend is having a trickle down effect from the A list stars to the non-A list stars. If Angie does it, it's cool. And, by now, she's done it twice. My second theory is that someone at MTV realized that the excessive drinking, hair pulling and grammatically incorrect sentence forming is losing it's allure. Then someone at E! realized it...someone at Bravo...and so on. Regardless of WHY, it's become clear that Gym, Tan, Laundry is being replaced by Unprotected Sex, Preggers, Baby.

Today, I'm going to pretend to be Perez Hilton before he got all politically correct following a tongue lashing by Jennifer Aniston. Anyone else remember that? I'm going to waste a good 10 minutes of your life by dissecting the rampant pregnancy trend ~~infecting~~ affecting D-list Hollywood.

First up, Snooki. Who was shocked by news of Snooki's pregnancy? I was. I really was. Jersey Shore may not be as epic as it was a mere summer ago, but it still brags a huge following. So huge that MTV has developed 2 spin off series, one with Pauly D (The Pauly D Project) and one with Snooki and J Woww (untitled at the moment). Now, as I just hypothesized, maybe MTV (or Snooki herself) anticipated the Jersey Shore audience wanting something more than episode after episode of black out drinking and fist pumping at Karma. Maybe a new generation of hair gel abusers is just the ticket. But, if not, Snooki has just given up her cash cow for a money hungry baby. She can't exactly head back to the Shore this summer while 7 months pregnant. And, I don't think The Situation would approve of a Baby Snooks sleeping in a pack-n-play in the Smoosh Room.

via UsMagazine.com

Kristin Cavallari, former Laguna Beach and Hills star, is also pregnant. Like the Snooki news, this announcement was quite the curve ball. Just last year Ms. Cavallari had ended her engagement to Jay Cutler and was accused of scamming for cocaine all day, every day, all the time. A lot can change in a year. She announced her pregnancy about a month ago and seems to come up with a new, mind-numbing story to tell People.com on a day-to-day basis about her progress - her cravings, the size of her bump, her prediction that Jay Cutler (aka baby daddy) will be a good father because he's "good with [her] little dog". I'm starting to think that she got pregnant to stay relevant.

image via UsMagazine.com

Then there's Kourtney Kardashian who's very pregnant with her second. Unlike Snooki and Kristin, Kourtney's announcement wasn't all that shocking. But, the timing of her announcement was noteworthy. Just as the Kim and Kris relationship inferno hell came to a head last fall, WHAM: Kourtney's pregnant. It felt like Kris Jenner was snapping her fingers at America - look over here, not there, HERE...ignore the Kardashian behind curtain number one...look at the fabulous Kardashian behind door number two!!! While I avoided using the word "calculated" with Snooki and Kristin (because I don't think it applies), I'm gonna casually throw it out with Kourtney Kardashian. I don't believe her pregnancy was calculated, but I do think her pregnancy announcement was orchestrated to divert as much negative press away from sister Kim as possible.

image via Celebuzz.com

How did I do? Could I guest write for Pink is the New Blog? What do you think of all these reality TV ladies and their baby bumps?

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Some Regrettable Booties

A quick and special weekend posting. Quick because it's nearly over and special because I rarely post on the weekends.

I came across these baby booties on Etsy a couple days ago. They're made from actual Crown Royal bags. Now, maybe you think these are just about the sweetest things ever and you want your 3 month old to sport them with a purple velour smoker's jacket...but me, I thought they were all wrong, in the funniest way possible. The product description notes that they were featured on Regretsy.com. Have you ever been to Regretsy.com? If not, click here now and be prepared to laugh ~~your ass off~~ yourself silly for the next several hours.

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brought to you by Foxy Pants

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The Scariest Part of Etsy

I'm constantly on Etsy.com. Daily at least, usually several times a day. Sometimes for personal reasons, but more often for Next Stop Baby. When I'm perusing for NSB, of course I'm looking a baby products. There are so many beautifully handcrafted products. And once in a while, those baby products are modeled on dolls. Yes, dolls. No, not babies. I have nothing profound or controversial to say about this, just that it freaks me out.